Day 10: Reasons to live

Sunny day.. took bear for a walk along the golf course saw Gillian who was great and offered to cook/walk bear etc. 

Went to Total Tone saw Susie and blurted out I have breast cancer… why did I do that???? Wish I hadn’t. TT was good. 

Spoke to Niamh and she seemed to handle the news OK. Might have been an act though. 

Ewan took me out for lunch at Vercelli and then we went on a walk to Acomb woods which was all lovely. 

Felt exhausted after all that….made dinner for me & Ali. Felt full of anxiety in the evening. Ended up doing a meditation which was a big help. Slept OK. Woke up feeling impending doom again….

Listened to a podcast when I woke up about a cancer survivor and using your mind to spiritually connect to yourself. Interesting. Also calmed my mind. 

Feeling  very tired again today…..not sure if it’s just emotional strain??? 

 Uncle Bob emailed me and is phoning today at 9:30am. 

He wants to help, he says. He’s very knowledgeable. My cousin (his daughter) died of cancer in her early 40’s very suddenly. He’s also a psychotherapist so very good in the power of the mind department. 

I am hoping he will give me a nugget of wisdom I can use. 

So the woman on the podcast said to write down my ‘good reasons to live’, here are mine: 

1. My kids and watching them flourish or helping them if they are struggling. Seeing them settled in a job and with a partner/kids/house. 
2. The possibility of grandchildren … the joy! 
3. I feel like I have only just begun to be really happy and really start to live and do what makes me happy and I want more of it!! 
4. I want to spend more time with Ali and the dog…which I truly enjoy. 
5. I want my cottage at the coast! 
6. I want my retirement 
7. I want time for myself (when I am not bringing up kids)
8. I want to continue to improve my exercise and healthy eating. 
9. I want to learn more about the mind and other things. 
10. I want to spend time in nature as the weather improves. 
11. I want to continue to coach people as most of the time it’s very rewarding and brings me joy. 
12. I want to bake and eat cake! 
13. I want to read more books. 
14. I want to go on more holidays and breaks away and see more in the Uk. 

That’s it for now but I will keep adding to this list. 

Next she said don’t give YOUR life away….so I will be doing less of what I don’t want to do and more of what I do want to do. (Although I have been doing this a lot more in the last year) 

Then she said self care…..I have been better at this the last couple of years but I will concentrate MORE on this. 

Then she said take care of the negativity that is hindering you…..I need to think about what exactly is still negatively impacting me??

I have let go of most negativity in the last year or so. I need to focus on letting go of the rest of it. 

Then I need to replace these negative things with things that bring me joy. And remember my body eavesdrops on my mind! 

I also need to connect more spiritually…maybe more meditation during the day, not just in the morning. 

All of the above was very sound advice. Grateful for that. 

I also need to go back to planning my day …I have done this religiously for a few years until the last 10 days …..and chaos is starting to swirl around me again. That needs to stop!

Planning my day will help me to focus on the important things and the things that bring me joy and peace. 

OK, I have to go and plan my day! X