Day 2: Gym Gains, Canine Companions, and Nostalgic Tears

Strange day today. Managed to go to the gym and do a class which actually lifted my spirits. Then  a dog walk, then a snooze. 

 

Had my MRI scan….it was fine. Had to put cod liver oil capsules over my nipples!! Weird!!  Found it hard to lie still for so long but 80’s hits in my ears helped a lot. 

 

Went to my mum and dads for dinner….very difficult to make small talk. Hard to not be myself. Felt guilty when I left for not being more cheerful! Big help that Ewan (my son) came along though. 

 

Walked the dog again. Feel absolutely drained, don’t know why. Got no ‘va va voom’ as my lovely friend Maria would say. Rang her again…. Feel the need to talk to who I can and I know she’s a good listener. 

 

Feeling a bit teary tonight. Been looking at photo’s of the kids when they were small. Lots of lovely memories. 

 

Lovely sunny day today, sat by the river on my dog walk. Grateful to be alive, although I feel I am wasting these days with worry. Keep planning my funeral in my head!

 

I am finding writing this diary strangely comforting. It’s good to pour your thoughts out however random they are as otherwise I would be spilling all this to my partner and he’s got enough to deal with. 

 

Night x