Day 7: Guesswork

I have realised that my anxiety is at its worst before bed and first thing in the morning. In the morning I meditate and then feel calmer. I might start that at night too.

Yesterday I got some really positive news. The MRI showed no involvement with my lymph nodes that they can see, a clear axilla and my right breast is clear. My left breast has an ‘abnormal mass’ measuring 63mm. (this later turned out to be 11cm). It’s unlikely it has spread so I am very grateful for that. I need the CT SCAN though to check this.

Yesterday I changed over the holiday let, did 5 loads of washing, a food shop and went to the gym. Had a catch up with Max. I also went to see my friend Jill. That was a very informative chat. She has done some research and thinks it’s Phyllodes.  That’s what I thought having done research on Google. It’s rare and often benign. I am thinking there might be a chance it’s benign???? Not pinning my hopes on it. Need biopsy results. Praying they are back for tomorrow!!

I am proud of myself and the way I have handled this last week. I have been practical and pragmatic. Fairly calm and remained positive. I have used practical ‘tools’ to manage my emotions. Thank god I am a coach. God only knows how I would be if I wasn’t. Grateful for that. I am also grateful that I don’t drink any more.

I think this is a Russian roulette thing. Some people get it and some don’t. You can only do your best in life and I have done my best. I can’t change this or control it but I can control my reactions to it and that is what I am choosing to focus on.

I have to go now. I have a circuits class at 6:45 am. Then dog walk and then the hairdresser. I will be spending £130 on my hair and it may all drop out ha ha ha. I will take my chances on that one!

Bye for now xx