Yesterday I was told I almost definitely have breast cancer. I have a ‘large mass’ in my left breast apparently. I am annoyed with myself that I left this for a couple of months, stupidly thinking because I had recently had a mammogram it wasn’t important

I slept well. Something to be grateful for. Yesterday started badly. I got up and tried hard. I went to the gym, walked the dog. Met my friend Max for the walk and told her

Strange day today. Managed to go to the gym and do a class which actually lifted my spirits. Then a dog walk, then a snooze. Had my MRI scan….it was fine.

My mind is working overtime. I have found a lot of content on insight timer for cancer. I am going to try and practice meditation a lot. I believe in a positive mindset being important but I am still terrified.

I am in Leeds at Niamh’s house. Yesterday morning I decided when I was in the gym that I am going to beat the big C!! My mindset needs to remain positive. I went to the gym, packed my stuff up and drove to Leeds.

I am going to need to learn to take things as they come. That just because one day they say ‘this’ it’s not set in stone and can change at any point during treatment as they learn more. I need to not take everything they say as ‘gospel’.

I am home and I love home. Being able to control some of what is happening is a huge comfort to me

I have realised that my anxiety is at it’s worst before bed and first thing in the morning. Despite this I am proud of the way I have handled this last week

My day of guesswork continued and I kept myself busy as a distraction from the impending diagnosis

So today is D day! I am praying those biopsies are back. The thought of waiting longer again is not a good one. I must remember to ring radiology for a CT scan cancellation.

Yesterday I found out I have Lobular Breast Cancer. It’s Oestrogen and Progesterone fed which is a good thing (apparently). I was upset for a few seconds but fine after that

Despite the circumstances, yesterday was a good day on the whole. Sunny too, which helped.

Yesterday was up and down. I started the day in tears….not good.

Made a Sunday dinner for me, Ali, Mum and Dad. Told them about the cancer. Very difficult, Had to get Ali to start the conversation. Couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words.

Woke up at 4am!!! FFS!! Did 2 meditations couldn’t get back to sleep, will nap later.

I have decided that it’s better to talk about it than hide from it. That word ‘cancer’ strikes fear into everyone and really it’s just a bunch of horrible cells.

I am going to try and get something positive out of all this. Thinking along the lines of a cancer coach at the moment. Very unsure about chemo but I will do more research.

Went to my hospital appointment for reconstruction advice. Came out feeling crap

Yesterday was a good day after it started badly! Tried oat milk in my coffee followed by green tea…thought I was going to be sick!!!!

I am sitting looking out the window at all the wildlife and a blue sky! Yesterday was good. Went to Alnmouth Beach

Starting to feel more like myself for the first time since this all started. Wonderful! Actually have a bit of energy back

Got my bone scan appointment for next Wednesday. Phew!

Day 21: This cancer is so time consuming!

Day 22: I keep procrastinating!! (I wonder why!) I am a work in progress!

Plastic surgeon was Spanish and I struggled to understand her. She wore a mask, I couldn’t lip read. They say I have a very large tumour.

Feeling very tired again a lot of the time. Also lost a lot of weight. Must wash hair - a week since I washed it!!

Had a meltdown yesterday. Went to the gym and managed 25 mins then started to cry

I have worked so hard this past couple of years to get my 6 pillars up and maintain them. All that is going out the window

It’s a parasite. Trying to starve it of what it needs! Need a name for my tumour???? Miss Lightburn?? (Stern headmistress at school!)

Watched a lot on YouTube about Chris cures cancer. Recorded a podcast about cancer yesterday

Mum made me a chocolate cake, bless her. Have an appointment at hospital with the plastic surgeon

I have a lot on my mind. I keep thinking, 'have I done the right thing re my breast and no reconstruction?'

Just seen King Chaz be crowned! Later I went on a trampoline …. actually that made me feel a bit sick. LOL!

Thought I looked good last night!? Keep wanting to say ‘This is the face of cancer’ as in … you just can’t tell … from looking at me on the surface.

When I started this I was waking with high anxiety & worry. Now I wake up tired but OK. At night however I am exhausted but my mind is busy!

Terrible sleep again … it's really getting me down now. A lot to do today and not sure how on absolutely no sleep!!!!

Hospital rang me at 0730am to say that op moving to today. Rearranged everything all work etc then they rang at 4pm to say it’s Friday again.

Left breast is actually becoming painful now so looking forward to surgery and ridding myself of this tumour.

Well it’s the day of my op and I feel like I have hardly slept!! Leave here at 06:30 so not long to go - might as well stay up.

Well op all done and a few days have passed. Friday (day of the op) went well.